Sunday

The Rhino Party

In addition to the national platform promises released by the party leadership, individual candidates also had considerable freedom to campaign on their own ideas and slogans. Bryan Gold of the Rhinoceros Party described the party platform as two feet high and made of wood. "My platform is the one I'm standing on." 
A candidate named Ted "not too" Sharp ran in Flora MacDonald's Ontario riding with the campaign slogan "Fauna, not flora", promising to give fauna equal representation.  In the 1988 election, the Rhinoceros Party ran a candidate named John Turner in the same riding as Liberal leader John Turner, and received 760 votes.

Other platform promises of the Rhinoceros Party included:
  • Repealing the law of gravity
  • Paving Manitoba to create the world's largest parking lot
  • Providing higher education by building taller schools
  • Instituting English, French and illiteracy as Canada's three official languages
  • Tearing down the Rocky Mountains so that Albertans could see the Pacific sunset
  • Making Montreal the Venice of North America by damming the St. Lawrence River
  • Abolishing the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and it takes up so much space
  • Annexing the United States, which would take its place as the third territory, after the Yukon and the Northwest Territories (Nunavut did not yet exist) in Canada's backyard, in order to eliminate foreign control of Canada's natural resources
  • Ending crime by abolishing all laws
  • Paving the Bay of Fundy to create more parking in the Maritimes
  • Turning Montreal's Saint Catherine Street into the world's longest bowling alley
  • Adopting the British system of driving on the left; this was to be gradually phased in over five years with large trucks and tractors first, then buses, eventually including small cars and bicycles last
  • Selling the Canadian Senate at an antique auction in California
  • Putting the national debt on Visa
  • Declaring war on Belgium because a Belgian cartoon character, Tintin, killed a rhinoceros in one of the cartoons
  • Painting Canada's coastal sea limits in watercolour so that Canadian fish would know where they were at all times
  • Banning guns and butter, since both kill
  • Banning lousy Canadian winters
  • Renaming the country Nantucket
  • Building a bridge spanning the country, from Vancouver Island to Newfoundland.
  • Making the Trans-Canada Highway one way only.
  • Changing Canada's currency to bubble gum, so it could be inflated or deflated at will.
  • Donate a free rhinoceros to every aspiring artist in Canada
  • Counting the 1000 Islands to see if the Americans have stolen any

The Rhino Party also declared that, should they somehow actually win an election, they would immediately dissolve and force a second election.

Michel Rivard once went on TV (during free air time given to political parties) and stated: "I have but two things to say to you: Celery and Sidewalk. Thank you, good night."